America's Heroes
by Khilari
Summary: America's heroes are awesome, just like him. But over the years his relationship with them changes.


America'a heroes are awesome, just like him. They have cool costumes and they fight for truth and justice just like the ones in the comics. He shows off pictures of them to the other nations, telling everyone they should get some of their own and just waiting for them to all be jealous.

'Those costumes are _terrible_,' says France. 'What kind of fashion is that?'

'If you need people in weird outfits to promote justice you should work on your police force,' says England.

'That one is so totally mine,' says Poland, pointing to the picture of Sally Jupiter.

'No, she's not,' protests America. 'She changed her name so people wouldn't think she was yours and that makes her mine.'

It turns into a brawl and Poland fights dirty.

'Ooh, look,' chirps Italy. 'This one's dressed like a birdie!'

America sighs and goes home, but he still thinks his heroes are awesome.

X

Then the war happens and some of his heroes turn out to _like_ Germany's crazy boss. That's not cool of them at all and America sulks about it.

'They're meant to be on _my_ side,' he tells England.

'You can't rely on them,' England agrees, looking a little wistful. 'Heroes. Even when they say it's all for you they always go off and do their own bloody thing in the end.'

'No way! When did you have heroes?'

England glares at him. 'Read someone else's history for once. Most of Europe's had a couple at some point.'

'Mine are cooler,' says America, forgetting that he's mad at some of them.

'Yours are dumber,' says England. 'No one else's dressed as hangmen or giant birds.'

X

Silhouette gets killed and she turns out to have been Austria's once, so he gets all sniffy about America not taking proper care of his people.

Then Silk Spectre gets married and soon after that the Minutemen disband. America misses them, but he still has the Comedian at least. The Comedian has always been closest to him and America's boss likes him too.

Ozymandias is a mixed blessing. A new hero is nice with so many of the old ones gone, but America isn't sure Ozymandias actually likes him. And Egypt snickers about one of America's heroes having taken drugs in his back garden.

Then Doctor Manhattan comes along and that is the _absolute coolest thing ever._

_X_

England shows up brandishing a newspaper. 'What the Hell did you do to Vietnam?' he says.

'I won,' says America proudly. England smacks him in the face with the newspaper.

'Don't bloody smirk about it when you had a god on your side. Vietnam talks about you the same way Latvia talks about Russia.'

'I'm not like him!' America protests. 'Anyway, you used to conquer people.'

'I was younger then.' England stops, takes a deep breath, and won't look at America when he continues. 'I thought I could take over the whole world and everyone would have to love me for it. They didn't. I never wanted you to make the same mistakes.'

'I can't just let them be communist. That's no good for anyone. They'll understand later.'

'Between you and Russia we'll be lucky if there's anyone _left_ to understand,' mutters England.

X

America's new generation of heroes are still pretty awesome. He's still got the Comedian, and Rorschach's cool but a bit worrying sometimes. Nite Owl (the new one) isn't that cool, but he's nice. America won't talk to Silk Spectre (the new one) because she changed her name back to Juspeczyk and Poland won't shut up about it.

Only then there seem to be more and more people who think they can just put on a mask and hit anyone they don't like. Rorschach starts some sort of weird-ass vendetta with the police. Ozymandias quits and starts selling things, which is still pretty American of him so that's okay. But it's all getting out of hand and America isn't sure he likes having heroes anymore.

So after some thought he goes and tells his boss to get rid of them and punches a couple until they get the message. He keeps Doctor Manhattan, of course, and the Comedian, who has always been his favourite. And it turns out he can't get rid of Rorschach who keeps hiding in parts of his house he isn't keeping an eye on.

At least people aren't beating their neighbours up while wearing masks anymore.

X

Ozymandias moves to Antarctica, which means she now has about 100% more population than she ever had before. America's surprised she's not a penguin herself since that's who lives there mostly.

America's boss has the Comedian doing things that no one tells America about, but as long as everything's running smoothly it can't be anything too bad.

X

The Comedian dies. America goes to his funeral and watches the other heroes not pay attention to the service. They look old, as old as nations, which is where America's seen those half-nostalgic half-regretful looks before. He wants to cheer them up, offer them hamburgers or coca-cola or something, but it's a funeral so for once he just stays quiet.

X

Doctor Manhattan leaves and America starts panicking about whether this means Russia's about to bomb him. If so he should probably bomb Russia first. But he's not sure he wants to do that, the first ones he dropped hurt Japan rather worse than he expected. Not that he cares about Russia…but. Maybe he'll wait a little longer.

X

Rorschach is caught. Rorschach is freed by Nite Owl and Silk Spectre. The first Nite Owl is killed. Russia has started invading people and a lot of them are yelling at America to do something about it.

Someone drops a squid on America's house.

X

Tony says it wasn't anything to do with him but that it was clearly extra-terrestrial. America believes that because not only is it a huge freaking squid but it's giving him the worst nightmares ever. He pretty much wants to curl up in a corner and cry but he's not the kind of country that does things like that. So he grabs a tentacle and starts trying to haul the squid out of his house.

'Hey, America,' calls England.

America turns and finds practically every country of the world lined up on his lawn. Even Russia's there, holding a hammer as if he intends to use it to mend things instead of as a weapon.

'Thought you could use a hand,' says England, smiling.

America looks away quickly to wipe his eyes and turns back beaming. 'Thanks! You guys are great!'

X

Once they've rebuilt his house he invites everyone to stay for dinner. They picnic on the lawn because the house still smells of squid (Germany hits Italy over the head for suggesting calamari). Russia has picked some sunflowers he found in Kansas and is beaming at everyone, not used to being welcome anywhere.

'How are you feeling?' asks England.

'Not too bad,' says America, not wanting to say he still feels kind of sick from all the nightmares. 'I don't think I want any more heroes, though. Not even to fight against the extra-terrestrials.' Though that would be cool, he thinks wistfully.

'More trouble that they're worth,' agrees England.

X

That night someone posts a journal through America's door. It seems to be about dead dogs so he doesn't bother reading it. Maybe someday, if he ever gets really bored.


End file.
